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Prayer and Linguistics

The church, the house of God, is the proper place for the liturgical prayer of the parish community. It is also the privileged place for adoration of the real presence of Christ in the Blessed Sacrament. The choice of a favorable place is not a matter of indifference for true prayer. For personal prayer, this can be a ‘prayer corner’ with the Sacred Scriptures and icons, in order to be there, in secret, before our Father.¹ In a Christian family, this kind of little oratory fosters prayer in common.²

The home is not only a domestic church but also an oratory. “Oratory” literally means house of prayer. Where else would children best grow in union with God but a house of prayer? The prayer we first learn is communal, and it strengthens the community of the home.
 
How do parents go about making an oratory out of a place that is more often used for its dormitory, commissary, or lavatory? First, we must imagine our goal and then start working toward it. To do this, we need to picture the ideal church setting because it is “the privileged place for adoration of the real presence of Christ.”

Imagine, if you will, a Mass. Not just a Mass, but a Mass where the Bishop is the celebrant. Not just any Mass, but the Easter Vigil Mass. Now picture this Mass in the most beautiful gothic cathedral. The point of such an exercise is not to get you to figure out how to replace your living room window with stained glass but to realize that—in such a Mass—nothing is wasted and everything is on purpose. So, too, the work of prayer in our little oratories needs to be intentional and on purpose. 

Prayer is a language; it is the language we use to speak to God and to converse with others about and to God, whether in a grand cathedral or a simple living room. Prayer, however, is no ordinary language or conversation: it is elevated speech. Prayer is a place where our humble words, uttered from the world, break out and enter the eternal realm. 

We will all pass away. Our deeds will pass away. Our words will pass away…except those words we direct and give to God. God hears our prayers, and God never forgets. Properly speaking, neither does God “remember” because God is ever present. God is the Eternal Now, the great I Am. So, our words of praise and adoration, supplication and petition, intercession and thanksgiving will last because they remain with God. Recognizing the magnitude of these prayerful words allows us to enter into family prayer with a sense of awe and reverence. Teaching children to pray and what prayer is does more than simply give them words to say—it gives them access to a relationship. The relationship first within the family of faith in which they are being raise, but more importantly than that, a relationship with the One who created the family. 

Prayer is a language, and just like a child learns a language, the words are said long before they are understood, but they are understood long after they are first learned. 

I learned the Our Father long before I knew God as Father or Jesus as Savior or the Spirit as the life of God within me received at baptism. I have also never forgotten it. Now, so many years after my parents first taught it to me, I can say, with an awe and reverence impossible in my youth, “Our Father, who art in heaven…” 

No one first teaches a child to speak by teaching them grammar. Children learn to speak by being spoken to, by hearing the words uttered from their parents and siblings, and then by trying them in their own mouths. Parents, primarily, do not teach their children to pray by teaching them about the types of prayer or the theology of prayer or why it is good to say your prayers every day. Instead, parents teach their children to pray by praying. 

When children wake early in the morning and walk into the living room and see you already saying your morning prayers, that teaches children about prayer. When you say grace before a meal, even when you eat at a restaurant, that teaches children about prayer. When you fully participate in the Mass, your children watch you, and they are learning. The most important lesson you will ever teach your children about prayer is showing them how you love the Lord. That is it. So what if they can’t remember the Memorare or forget the fifth Joyful Mystery? Yes, it is important to pray rote prayers with children, and yes, it is important that they learn them. But much more important is to learn to love the Father—and perhaps most important of all—that they learn to be loved by him.